Good day fellow evil doers. It is me, Lord Voldemort, your leader, and I have come here today to address the rumors that have been circulating around. I wanted to tell you that they are all true, I, the Dark Lord, am indeed making a gang. Now I know many of you find that idea completely preposterous that someone with such amazing magical abilities would sink to this level. But I am going to be honest, I am getting desperate. I crave to take over the world and if that means I will occasionally have to "bust a cap" then so be it! It can't be that hard can it? I mean my previous magical gang (aka the Death-Eaters) didn't really work out so well, but in the beginning everything was good. Except for that Bellatrix chick, she was a bit of creep, always fawning over me and desperate for my attention. But I mean who can blame her? I am tall with rugged good looks and a perfectly chiseled body. But nobody in their right mind would be attracted to Bellatrix, she was so desperate and needy! And have you seen those chompers of hers? I mean really, I know we are British and everything but seriously, go to the dentist.......ANYWAY. Yeah, Lord Voldemort, me, starting a gang, if you wish to join my gang you should email me at Harry_must_die@gmail.com. First though I must tell you that in order to be in the gang you must complete a challenging set of tasks. First you must get a permanent tattoo of a snake and a skull on your forearm. Then you must withstand a brutal game of unicorn roulette, where all potential gang members must stand in a circle around me, and I will be blindfolded and holding a unicorn horn. Then I will begin to spin around in a circle as fast as I can with my arms extended to gain speed, then I will let go and whoever I hit with the unicorn horn is out. And lastly you must team up with a partner and perform a custom-choreographed version of The Single Ladies. If you can survive/ complete all these tasks successfully then you will be permitted into my gang. Good luck to you all.
Sincerely,
Lord Voldemort
